What does Van Gogh’s Bedroom in Arles have to do with burnout, moving cross-country, and starting over? Apparently everything.
I was 34 when I decided to uproot my life and move to Los Angeles. I was old enough to understand the risk, yet still driven by a “now or never” attitude. Vincent Van Gogh was the same age when he arrived in the French town of Arles, coming to terms with his own life expectations — and their sobering reality.
No, I’m not comparing myself to Van Gogh. Not by a long shot. And God knows I’m not an art expert, but I know what speaks to me. On a recent trip to the Museum of Fine Arts, Boston, I found myself standing before 23 of his paintings currently on display — and I saw a reflection of my own mid-30s rut.
After eight years working in news, I’d hit “Millennial burnout” rock bottom. I needed to pursue something else. I needed to pursue myself. I needed — something creative.
When Van Gogh arrived in Arles, he had realized his lifelong dream of having a family of his own would probably never happen. Craving human connection, he bonded with a local family and began painting portraits of them.
Those paintings — the Roulin Family Portraits — offer a glimpse into what “family” and community can be for someone, and how that can nurture one’s creativity.
“My dear brother, you know that I came to the south and threw myself into work for a thousand reasons. To want to see another light, […] because one feels that the colors of the prism are veiled in mist in the north […] and the fact that occasionally I’ve also found friends and things that I love here.”
— Van Gogh to his brother, Theo, September 1889
When I decided to move to LA, I had long since abandoned the idea of climbing a corporate ladder. I needed to escape and let my nervous system breathe within a new space of my own. I had a “home” in Nashville, but at some point it no longer met my communal or intellectual needs (that’s not a dig at Nashville).
In Arles, Van Gogh found community in the Roulin family — but he also created a space entirely his own to nurture his creativity. Which brings me to one of his most famous paintings: Bedroom in Arles.
On the surface, it’s nothing extravagant — a bed, a couple of chairs, and a window. His vivid colors and iconic brushstrokes are on full display here. But in reality, it’s a place of rest, to dream, and pin his life to the walls. I understand that craving — to have something that’s yours, something to nurture your creativity. I’ve struggled to reclaim that amid my burnout recovery.
So moving to LA wasn’t just about “making it in the movies” or the weather (I prefer seasons, anyway). It was about carving out a niche of my own, rediscovering my creativity — and claiming a place that reflected who I was becoming. A place of rest, to dream, and pin my life to the walls – my own yellow house.
Van Gogh: The Roulin Family Portraits is on display at the Museum of Fine Arts, Boston, until September 7, 2025.
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